i span too many topics to choose a subject line. really. chapstick->decor->Janes->harrypotter.

my lips are chapped. too lazy to get up and find my chapstick though.

I wanna paint my room.
I inherited it from some 5 year old and it's all done up in cloud wallpaper.
bleagh
so I'd paint it except for the fact that I'm one of the laziest people you will find on earth.
I'm also a packrat and have too much stuff.
so to move everything OUT of my room, including gigantic furniture and piles of clothes is really too much work for me.
instead I cover the uglyness in posters and pictures and posters turned upside down so the white side shows.
cover those in thoughts and writing.
yeah, it's still ugly, but at least I can say it's my fault.

I have nellie mckay(is that how you spell it?) stuck in my head.
today I listened to some cd's i rarely listen to.
so if you're bored. ask me for some music. always glad to help people realize that their favorite radio station does not equal all the music in the entire world.
Specifically I listed to the Dear Janes today. They've got some good music. I have their cd... no skin I think it's called. or at least something-skin.

I went to the library today. Read a book on Sleight of Hand. learned some card tricks. I'm really bad at them.
And will probably forget them soon. but hey. I know some.

uh- if I were you, I probably wouldn't read this journal. so, don't feel guilty.

I would try to say something intelligent to try to get this post out of the 'a waste of my time' category. but uh. no luck.
instead I'll blabber.

I'm so gullible.
so stupid for believing the things I believed.
I... it all started...

I read a lot.
I read enough so that i stopped thinking of myself as a person. and started thinking of myself as a character in a book.
thinking things like, 'oooh, this would make an exciting plot twist! if I developed this disorder!'
seriously. that was scary.
so I got into a fantasy trend, you know, harry potter and terry goodkind and all. (wow, those two definitely at opposite ends of the spectrum)
and you know those kind of stories (harry potter, more so than terry)
where the main character finds out- that they're not a normal loser kid like everyone else on the planet- not at all! but a fairy, or a wizard, or adopted, or a witch.
where the hero/ine finds out 'ha- I was right all along, I really don't belong here. I'm special!'
so the kids who read these books (me) think. hey! me too! I'm special! that could happen to me!
I'm not really just another face in a crowd of billions... I'm secretely an elf princess!
except. that's not true. there aren't leprecauns living in your backyard, waiting for you to come outside at midnight.
this is it.
this is life.
you don't have a fairy godmother.
get used to it.
of course how many kids are stupid enough (like me) to believe that could happen to them.
this is rare, right?

right?

on an entirely different note, my punctuation sucks. not to mention my grammar, spelling, and other such technical bits of the english language i have no skills in (like creating mindless run-on sentances for one?) if it bothers you a lot. well. sorry. i actually did just go through it was capitalized all uncapitalized I's.
hey. it's a start.